


Vlad's Cat Hair Problems

by TheRandomPhan



Category: Danny Phantom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:21:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27796849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRandomPhan/pseuds/TheRandomPhan
Summary: Vlad keeps finding Maddie's (the cat, not the human) hairs all over the house. Some in places she isn't allowed to go and others just in the craziest of locations. As he struggles to rationalize how she keeps getting into these places, the hair just keeps coming. But is his sweet cat truly the source of this mess?
Comments: 3
Kudos: 50





	Vlad's Cat Hair Problems

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by an ask by dumbasscrowboy on lexosaurus' tumblr.

Vlad had a long day, that was for certain. Daniel had a particularly destructive fight against Skulker -Vlad _told_ that idiot to be more careful- and almost the moment he'd returned from his lunch break it seemed like everyone in the entire city had been given his phone number. A fire hydrant had been completely ripped from the sidewalk, a lamppost was sliced in half and lying in the middle of the road, and even some power lines had gone done in the fight. There were numerous other issues, and of course who did everyone go to first? The mayor. Sometimes Vlad regretted taking the position. He was so busy, he barely even had time to scheme anymore!

But that was behind him, now. He kicked off his shoes, started the coffee maker, and threw a log in the fireplace, very glad to be home after that entire fiasco. The coffee would take a moment, so he grabbed his reading glasses from his office and the book he'd been reading. He paged through for a little while before he heard the coffee stop. He didn't bother to remove his reading glasses, just grabbing a white mug that had been drying on the counter and pouring in the coffee. His cat, Maddie, rubbed against his ankles as he poured. He hummed a tune to himself as he carried the mug -full of black coffee, black as his soul- and book into the living room. He set himself up in the loveseat closest to the fire. He always did like the warmth.

Almost immediately after he opened his book he became in grossed in the story. He only remembered that his drink existed after two more chapters were done and over with.

"I didn't see you there, Maddie dear." He said with a soft smile at the cat that had snuck its way onto his lap while he read. Sneaky one, that one was. He absentmindedly scratched her head as he took a long sip of his coffee. It was almost scalding, still. Just the way he liked it.

It took four more drinks, and three more chapters before Vlad noticed anything was amiss. There was something small and white floating in his coffee. Something he certainly hadn’t put in there himself. He stood up immediately, throwing his glasses onto the coffee table and inciting a rather loud growl from Maddie as she landed heavily on the carpeted floor.

Vlad wiped off his tongue with his hand, disgusted. Luckily none of them seemed to have gotten in his mouth.

“Maddie!” He shouted. Yet the cat seemed unbothered, only glaring at him from where she was licking her paw near the couch. Which he now also noticed was covered in little white hairs!

Vlad stomped over and gathered Maddie into his arms, making her yowl.

“I told you not to get on the counter! Or the couch!” He lightly bopped her on the head. She was more annoyed by the gesture than anything, and loudly proclaimed her displeasure.

Vlad stomped over and gathered Maddie into his arms, making her yowl.

"I told you not to get on the counter! Or the couch!" He lightly bopped her on the head. She was more annoyed by the gesture than anything, and loudly proclaimed her displeasure.

"Bad kitty!" He proclaimed. He knew that she didn't understand, sadly, and he set her back on the ground. She wandered off with a meow. Vlad’s mind already racing on ways to keep her off of the furniture. He thought he'd had her trained, but it appeared not.

Angrily, Vlad stomped back to the kitchen. He poured out his mug only find that the bottom of it was coated in cat hairs. As was the coffee pot, and he dumped the rest down the drain. How had Maddie managed that, anyways? Overall he was disgusted, as well as befuddled. She hadn't jumped up on the furniture or counter in months, or at least he didn't thought she had.

* * *

The next time Vlad found cat hairs in places they certainly shouldn't be was a week or so later. He'd been in his closet -which supposedly remained closed when he was away- and found little hairs seemingly sprinkled across the shoulders of each of his suits. There was a shelf right above them that could be easily accessed by a certain feline, making the culprit quite clear.

This time, he was more confused than angry. He was certain that he’d closed the door before he went to work. And yet somehow Maddie had snuck in. Did she figure out how to open doors and he simply hadn’t realized it? He had heard of cats being able to do that. But then how did she manage to close it behind her?

Thoroughly confused, Vlad resigned himself to making a large trip to the dry cleaners and went off to bed.

* * *

By the next occurrence Vlad was more than a little ticked. He found Maddie hairs in his cup, _again_ , and had made a total of three trips to the dry cleaners. In only two weeks. And he’d gone through two lint rollers already trying to clean the couches. He’d never realized just how many there were scattered throughout his home. Vlad tried just about every solution he could find.

He put aluminum foil on the couches and counter in an attempt to dissuade her. That didn’t work. He tried using a spray bottle, but she never seemed to do it when he was around. Smart cat.

It seemed that Maddie had gotten a slight bit more adventurous, seeing the situation he’d run into now. Moving into the big times of royally screwing up his day.

His lab was trashed. All of the counters were completely bare with their contents scattered across the floor. A glass of water he must’ve forgotten was laying on its side, spilt onto a very expensive console. Which, of course, was the one which held the portal controls. Said portal was shut off, doors wide open to reveal the technological guts which were usually hidden by the portal itself. 

The worst part was the set of vials which had been knocked over. He had been studying some of both his own blood and Daniel’s -trying to discover how it kept from separating as Ectoplasm and blood were supposed to do- but now it was all scattered across the tiles. He might’ve been able to salvage the remnants, but the small white strands of hair sticking out of it told him that plan was shot.

By some miracle that seemed to be the only semi-dangerous thing that was on the floor. Sure it might upset Maddie’s stomach if she licked some of it up -especially because of the fact it was _halfa_ blood- but she certainly wouldn’t sustain any lasting harm. He was suddenly very glad that all of the chemicals were kept in a locked cupboard.

Vlad could only assume Maddie had gotten up on the fireplace and rubbed against the secret football. And considering he found the entry standing wide open -in front of open curtains no less- that seemed quite likely. One part of him was glad she hadn’t gotten herself caught in something as the entry opened, and the other was mad at himself that he made it so easy for her to accidentally open. Given she wasn’t exactly supposed to be on the mantle, but he still should have been more cautious.

He was more mad at himself than the cat. 

He found the little vermin sitting inside the portal frame, licking her hind quarters without a care in the world. With a heavy sigh Vlad picked her up and set off towards the stairs with her in his arms. He wouldn’t subject the poor cat the intangibility. It might make her sick! So he began the long, arduous trek up the stairway.

* * *

Vlad and Danny were engaged in one of their usual fights. Blasts were thrown, quips were made, all-in-all very run of the mill Friday night for a couple of half-ghosts. But there was just something different about Danny. Something that Vlad just couldn’t for the life of him, put a finger on.

“Come on, I was literally just on the way to a movie with Sam.” Danny complained, lobbing a ball of ice at Vlad’s head. It hit the man’s shield and sizzled, some of the ice evaporating on contact. It was reduced to a puddle as it splashed onto the street below.

“Don’t you think this is much more entertaining than sitting in a stuffy theater with a girl who won’t return your affections?” Vlad said with a wicked smirk.

“You somehow manage to make shooting literal blasts of energy from your hands boring.” Danny replied with a deadpan glare, doing just that. He next darted forward with a sharpened sword of energy, trying to stab Vlad in the side. Vlad dodged it easily, but he just couldn’t help but stare at the boy, trying to pick out what exactly was nagging at him.

“There’s something different about you.” Vlad said during a lull in the fight, scrutinizing Danny.

"Oh, I got a haircut. Didn't you know?" Danny cocked his head the the side, smiling oh-so innocently despite the sharpened blade in his hands.

All it took was that one single sentence to make it all _click_. All of the pieces came together and he finally had a solution to the problems that had been following him for the last month. Maddie wasn't the only one in Vlad’s life who had white hair. 

And the only other was floating before him grinning like the Cheshire cat.

"You brat!" Vlad growled, leaping forward.

"Took you long enough, V-man!" Danny easily dodged the hasty move.

"Why in the world did you believe it was a good idea to put hair in my coffee pot?!" He was absolutely livid.

"I thought it'd be funny," Danny shrugged. His eyes went wide as a neon pink blast missed his cheek by an inch. Another came right after it and Danny scurried off in a hurry, leaving one message in his wake.

"Worth it!"


End file.
